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:iconguns4jesus2004:

~guns4jesus2004

Jordan Leavitt
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About Me Member Hack guns4jesus2004Male/United States Recent Activity Deviant for 3 Years
Needs Premium Membership Statistics 246 Deviations
7,652 Comments
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I Believe in My Garden Home...

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Scripto Inferiormomento mori  i am the blank slate, tabula rasa  bleed on me and wipe me clean  i am your palimpsest  imprint me, write me, create me  i am the reflection of your own soul  the recollection of yourself  
the way you might have been, unbroken;  only i can read the secret words inscribed there  after all  the world is a town in which inflexible people  burn as heretics  my every thought contains the same suffix  which i received in instruction  
from the father and the mother to the son  taught thereby  you are the key to my unstrengthening.  you are the key to Scripto Inferior
by ~guns4jesus2004
Call Me Any Timethis mighty blaze  consuming every drop of rain  forces uneven colliding  and one being utterly  
annhilated  the flicker-light that haunts faces  makes me feel sedated   
when the options of the hard life  are played out  when i need something in me  
that you all take out  i can lie here on my bed of coals  splayed out  and you'll come find me today  its so simple  its like a sick joke  strap on the cilice and pray  that all i might need is a quick poke  compressed in singularity  by the beat of your fell stroke   
like moist tongue Call Me Any Time
by ~guns4jesus2004
i want to make you breatheyou  cold water in the end of my spine  when i taste your want in your kiss  and it tastes just like this  you sweeten and ferment  ripen on the vine  just out of reach  like the ache in my jaw  in my gums and teeth  when i want to eat  you lurk in my throat  squeeze and release  i want to breathe  
the air you breathe  and i want to see  the things you see  in me  and i want to be  that thing in me  that makes you breathe  so hard and fast  makes your eyes roll back  you gasp  i clasp you closer  feel you melting down the f i want to make you breathe
by ~guns4jesus2004
Name Lives Ondepth of cold empty  spring-fed  she didnt sleep  when she went to bed   
(with my best friend)   
heavy gut warmth  stone-smooth  flea chews  on you   
(he wants your blood)   
bare-bones  lying long turns green  such stains  never clean   
(you cant wash it out)   
pay-per-view  like you've never seen  blind brains  bright screen   
(you cant watch it now)   
funny-boy  smiles just like he means it  this meat  so sweet   
(you cant stop me now) Name Lives On
by ~guns4jesus2004
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Doorman

so then.

Fri Jul 3, 2009, 12:04 AM
i just went back through every one of my old journals. they're all unhappy. even the ones that sound happy...they werent happy. i was not happy. i was never happy. what the fuck is the problem here? what happened to being normal, living full normal lives that feel like they have a purpose? What....happened? I cant take this much longer. i really cant. i feel like Smith at the end of the third matrix movie. he's angry and ranting at Neo because all he understands is purpose...so he doesnt understand why neo is fighting him. all i understand is purpose...so i dont understand why i exist. i cant reproduce. i cant live by the rules of society. i cant be productive, helpful, or significant in any way. so why? what am i doing here? what is my purpose? what sick nuances of fate and existence and life made me who i am, and what the fuck was the plan? i just dont understand. i've never understood, and i continue to not understand, and i really really cant take not understanding any more. i'm sick and tired of feeling sorry for myself and i'm even more sick and tired of feeling guilty because i feel sorry for myself. i just want purpose. that's it. a reason. a point. a fucking niche to fit in and perform SOME ROLE that impacts SOMETHING, ANYTHING. that's all i want. just..something. i cant take this. i cant.

14 Comments | Previous Journal Entries
  • Mood: Suffering
  • Listening to: lovedrug-blackout
  • Reading: the talisman-stephen king
  • Watching: nothing.
  • Playing: super mario world.
  • Eating: nothing ever again.
  • Drinking: nothing.

deviantID

Devious Info

  • Current Residence: Maine
  • Interests: Loathing, weapons, gasmasks, fire, burning anime, spikes, bullets, skulls.
  • Favourite movie: I like Dawn of the Dead. Fight Club. Ooh, The Machinist. American History X. Garden State. Watchmen.
  • Favourite band or musician: Lovedrug, Butthole Surfers, My Morning Jacket, System of a Down, among many others.
  • Favourite genre of music: I listen to little bits of everything. Except country. Country fucking sucks.
  • Favourite artist: Giger. Dali close second.
  • Favourite poet or writer: Definitely Lovecraft. Best stories ever.
  • Favourite style of art: I like surrealism, on the darker side of things.
  • Operating System: Windows Vista
  • MP3 player of choice: Phillips Something-or-other.
  • Shell of choice: eh... conch?
  • Wallpaper of choice: anything with skulls.
  • Skin of choice: soft
  • Favourite game: Depends. fond of Dawn of War series. Smash Bros Melee. Ultima Series. Left4Dead is good.
  • Favourite gaming platform: Gamecube
  • Favourite cartoon character: Zim...possibly Dr. Tran
  • Personal Quote: "Well, I fuckin' 'bout...'bout."
  • Tools of the Trade: Scalpel, tweezers, sticky black pen, hammer, arrowheads, rocks, wooden handles.

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Comments


:iconguns4jesus2004:
~guns4jesus2004 Nov 7, 2009, 11:10:11 AM
my pleasure.

--
Halleleujah, I'm not breathing, Halleleujah.
:iconpabloskjold:
~pabloskjold Oct 29, 2009, 8:20:02 PM
hi, thanks a lot for the favs!!

--
The impossible is possible tonight
:iconguns4jesus2004:
~guns4jesus2004 Oct 29, 2009, 8:55:39 PM
my pleasure, good stuff you've got :D

--
Halleleujah, I'm not breathing, Halleleujah.
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